About an Honest Celebrity

September 2018

These days, there hardly seems to be a famous woman who isn’t pregnant or giving birth. And more or less all of them describe their experiences something like this:

I’m pregnant and going through the most beautiful period of my life. Pregnancy is so wonderful, I wish I could stay pregnant forever. I feel absolutely fine and can perform in the theater right up until the last days before giving birth.

I had a natural birth and it was beautiful. When I first held my baby in my arms, it was the most wonderful feeling in the world. I was instantly overcome by a wave of infinite and indescribable love. Many thanks to the staff at Such-and-Such Maternity Hospital, who took such wonderful care of me.

My partner is thrilled about the baby and is constantly helping me. He changes diapers and takes the stroller out. Our little darling sleeps beautifully at night.

Besides my partner, the grandmothers help me a lot, so I can perform in the theater again just fourteen days after giving birth. It’s wonderful, the baby is there with me and sleeps the whole time. Otherwise, I want to spend as much time as possible with … (insert the most unusual name you can think of). I only have three concerts left before Christmas, I’ll finish recording an album and host five events, but otherwise I’ll spend the entire Advent season at home.

On Instagram, I post a photo of myself going for a walk with the stroller (the mother is styled, wearing makeup, and has her hair done in the photo, and above all, there isn’t even a trace of a pregnancy belly).

How much easier it would be for new mothers to breathe if they read these experiences of a famous mother:

During the first three months of pregnancy, I felt sick as a dog and vomited several times a day. I had to cancel my entire schedule. Then things got better, and for a while I was able to function normally, but now I’m as huge as a whale, I can barely move, I can’t even put on my shoes, let alone shave my legs. My belly often gets hard and I’m horribly tired. I’m constipated and have hemorrhoids. I’m swollen all over, and more than anything, I’m looking forward to giving birth.

I had a natural birth and it was really difficult. I had never experienced pain like that in my life. I thought I was going to die! My partner was supportive, but at times I would rather he hadn’t been there. The staff kept disturbing me and constantly offering medication and other interventions in the natural course of labor. After giving birth, I looked at the tiny baby and somehow couldn’t believe it was mine. I waited for that ecstatic love to explode, but mostly I felt relief that it was over.

I spent a few days in the maternity hospital. They woke me at six in the morning to bring me tea, the food was completely unsuitable for breastfeeding mothers, everything hurt, and during the first few days I had trouble urinating. I couldn’t have a bowel movement at all, yet someone kept asking me about it and hounding me with suppositories. The baby has neonatal jaundice. But otherwise everyone was very kind.

I’m having trouble breastfeeding; I just can’t manage it at all. My nipples are chewed up and I don’t have enough milk. It’s terribly upsetting, breastfeeding is stressful and frightening for me, and I dread every moment when the baby wakes up again and wants to nurse. I cry often.

My partner is pretty frightened by everything. He’s afraid to touch the baby, let alone change a diaper. We’re starting to argue.

We don’t sleep at night, the baby constantly wants to nurse, be held, cries, screams and wails. Nothing helps. My husband and I walk around like zombies. The baby doesn’t sleep much during the day either, except in the stroller, which has to be moving or the baby wakes up immediately. Resting during the day is science fiction; I don’t even have time to eat or go to the bathroom, and a shower is an absolute luxury. Our home is an unbelievable mess. I fall asleep standing up.

I was supposed to perform fourteen days after giving birth. I thought it would be fine, but it wasn’t possible. Milk is leaking uncontrollably from my breasts, I’m still bleeding heavily, and because of a large episiotomy I can still barely walk. Yesterday I sat down for the first time without a cushion. I’m sweating horribly.

My belly is still huge. A neighbor asked me when I was due. My hair is starting to fall out, so I’d rather not brush it too much… On Instagram, I post a photo of our little angel’s hand. I love the baby and I’m happy we have them, it’s just really, really hard.

So it seems unlikely that we’ll ever read any of this in an interview with a familiar face. Sometimes I’d like to look behind the camera and see whether things really are as rosy for famous parents as they make them seem. On the other hand, I have to say that I understand them. I don’t tell strangers I happen to meet about my postpartum injuries either. I choose the photos I send to people I know. I don’t send pictures of smeared and screaming children, and if I’m in a photo too, I make sure my rolls aren’t showing too much and that the mess in our home can’t be seen. So why should famous mothers do otherwise?

And because they can’t do it themselves, my Honest Celebrity has confided her feelings in you. So think of her the next time you read about some famous mother. Perhaps you’ll feel relieved and be okay even if you aren’t reed-thin two weeks (or even two years) after giving birth, and even if everything starts falling apart in your hands a little.

I wish you all lots of strength!

With love

Romana